It’s pretty simple. I am a 23 year old Caucasian male living in the throngs of single life in Southern California. I started this blog because I’m tired of hearing the same excuses from women as to why they don’t date nice guys. I am a nice guy and am here to tell you all the stereotypes you’ve got of my kind are not true. We are men who enjoy sex and sports just as much as others, but we have manners and actually appreciate women. Stay tuned for more exciting adventures.
You my friend, are a genius. From one nice guy whose not a pussy to another, I SALUTE YOU.
And the 28th birthday and financial analyst thing was fucking hilarious. Coincidentally, I am a financial analyst, I am 23, and most importantly I am having a tremendous amount of difficulty GETTING ME SOME PUSSY.
I’ve only read this one blog entry, but I’m sold.
-Nathan, San Francisco, CA (not as bad as L.A., but it comes pretty darned close)
Dude!
You rock. Awesome posts. I’m sold. Adding you to my blogroll
25 y.o nice guy from Bangalore, India
It truly amazes me, that so many woman are attracted to asshole qualities in guys. They date these jerks, and after a while they become outraged that the guy they’re dating is in fact, an asshole.
Noticed you on BOTD and came over to check it out. I like your writing style; and I, at one point, shared your frustrations with women.
Allow me to show you a better way. I humbly submit: http://realitymethod.wordpress.com
It’s been my experience that women, in general, don’t want a nice guy. To their way of thinking, nice guys are boring. They want the excitement that they think they can get from a bad boy. There is also the problem that a lot of nice guys are shy and simply can’t approach a woman for fear of getting shut down, (which is usually the case if they do get the nerve to make a move). I’m shy to the extreme. I haven’t so much as had a cup of coffee with a woman in over 14 years. I literally couldn’t approach a woman if my life depended on it. So much for being both shy and nice.
Now this is something all women should read.
It’s really not because women generally think nice guys are boring. It’s because it takes too much work on the part of the femmes to get nice guys to “get on with it”. Bad boys, they don’t have any problem getting the women they want. If nice guys aren’t doing anything right to get the woman they want, most women would settle for the one who is truly showing some interest in having a relationship with them.
I have a male friend. He’s a nice guy, but I’m frustrated that he couldn’t get up the nerve to ask out the girl he so wanted for a long, long time. I secretly wanted to kick him to action. But I love the guy and want him to find the courage to do what is right before some other bloke sweeps the girl off her feet, leaving my friend alone in the dusty wake of a failed romance.
So I let him be. Poor nice guy. Tsk! Tsk!
Hello gentleman -
I want you to know that there really are “nice girls” out there, but they are few an far between (just as nice guys are). Your older sister is very wise, try to follow her advice – the younger you are, the easier it is for compromising, and trust me, compromise is what it is all about (well, that and trust, communication and sincere intimacy). I happen to think of myslef as a “Nice Girl” with a bad girl side that I only share with those that I love the most… best piece of advice I can give you is just stay away from bars for potential dates and marry your best friend (passion is important but passion does not hold a marriage together, friendship and mutual respect does). Keep up the posting, I will be visiting on a daily basis to live vicariously through your journey
Gee, I don’t know… I am really sorry you live in California, it must be a nightmare…. but, after reading this blog, I don’t think you don’t sound very nice at all. You sound like you would be very annoying in person. And kind of slimy, really. Maybe when you’re older.
Hello Nice Guy. Cool blog. If you are defending the male species,as for me, on the other hand, is defending my species. Anyway, my blog is really new and it’s an honor if you can have a visit to my blog. Keep up blogging
Geez, is this a parody site?
Gawd. How pathetic, dude.
You’ve really bought into the whole “Nice Guy” BS lie, huh?
It goes like this: “If only I’m nice enough, sweet enough, well-mannered enough, bland enough, self-denying enough, doormat enough (ad nauseam), then – EUREKA! – I’ll actually get laid, find romance, get what I want in life and be loved.”
WRONG, pal!
“Nice guy” is just a sad cliche, shorthand for “sucker”. I know, I’ve lived it. And now here you have a whole website devoted to it. Well, bully for you.
What you’ve got is a chronic case of delusional “Nice Guy Syndrome”, a debilitating, soul-crushing, life-destroying behavioral flaw many men suffer from, as diagnosed in the bestseller, “No More Mr. Nice Guy!” by Robert A. Glover. Speaking to you man-to-man, you need to get this book NOW and act before it’s too late. There’s solid advice, clinical therapy, and even local resources in it to help you overcome this self-destructive “nice guy” codependency crap, and live a rewarding life.
Please, do this now. While you’re turning yourself into milk-toast by trying to be something you’re NOT, other men – honest men – are out there being themselves, being true to their maleness, meeting and pleasing women and getting what they want out of life.
I know this well, and have learned it the hard way. In my late 30’s, after a lifetime of “being nice”, I found myself single, broke, friendless, unemployed and with a trail of girlfriends who ran out or cheated on me because I was always “too nice”. I held doors open, only to have them slammed in my face. I always made up first after a fight, only to be called a wimp or worse. I always gave flowers, only to receive suspicion in return. I always went down and enjoyed oral sex, only to be accused of being gay because I was “too good”. I never cheated, only to be met with suspicion or infidelity on her part. I always put friends and family first, which only caused friction and jealousy at home. I worked late at every job for no overtime pay or bonus, and then got fired for being too “nice” or a threat to my slacking coworkers.
And I always – always – denied myself and my true nature as a man – and paid the price in loneliness, frustration, anger, hurt… not to mention the pricey dinner dates, vacations and shopping sprees as women took full advantage of my “nice guy” generosity… and then left me for some “bad boy”.
I’m in my 40’s, and wiser now. Mark my words: this will happen to you as well. Unless you can wake up now and change course.
Got that raise yet? Or did they pass you up again? Got that hot date you wanted last Saturday? Or was she “busy with her friends” again? Did you get laid, go home with a knockout, have another steamy weekend of intense passion? Or did your last “date” just leave you with a kiss in the parking lot?
Wake up, my brother. It doesn’t have to be this way. Flip the script. Listen to “Beast of Burden” by the Rolling Stones. Really.
You will never be nice enough, rich enough, sexy enough, or sensitive enough to fully please a woman and get what you both want in life. Watch – she’ll wander off again after more vague excuses like “you seem pretty nice, but…”
Here, my brother, is where we kick the “but”s out of our lives, throw off our “nice guy” chains, and start living our lives as men. Here is where we belong: being honest and virile and bold and true, not lame “nice guys”. This is the essence of the struggling “men’s liberation” movement. Free your mind, your body and your soul from society’s stereotypes; be a man with honest emotions and needs out in the open. Get the life, passion and love you want, on your own terms. Wouldn’t that be NICE for once?
I’m trying to help here. I’ve filled journals, notebooks and late-night whining sessions with the same sadness, confusion and frustration I see on your site. You’re not alone. Others like you and me can change our behavior to improve our lives; being “nice” isn’t the way when you’re always selling yourself short.
But don’t take MY word for it. The comments on your own site say it all: “having a tremendous amount of difficulty getting me some pussy”, “It’s been my experience that women, in general, don’t want a nice guy.”, “Maybe when you’re older”, etc. All sad testimony that being a “nice guy” just doesn’t work.
This life is yours to live, on your terms. You can do this, and make yourself and those around you happier. You just have to learn to be honest and true about who you are. Others will appreciate you more for it, as well. Ask yourself this in every situation: Why am I trying so hard to be nice? What do I really really want here? Then… go out and get it!
The women who always run off with the bad boys don’t do it because they’re bad boys; they go with them because they’re free, honest and are their own men. Or, to quote the punk rock chick who broke my heart at 23 (by running off to the local punks’ parties and gang-bangs), “They’re not nice, in fact they’re trouble… but they’re straight with you and don’t lie about what they are. They’re real… I can always count on that.” Imagine that. A woman admiring you for just being you.
So… stop being so nice. You’re a mouse in a maze, and there’s no cheese up that tunnel! Hop over the wall, lose the maze and become the man you are meant to be – NOT a pathetic “nice guy” who settles for less in life.
Been there, done that. Here’s the way out:
Go NOW to Amazon or wherever you get books and order “No More Mr. Nice Guy!” by Robert A. Glover (2003). You can even pick up a cheap copy for about $7.00. Read the book. Get help. And start living your life, MAN.
Go To:
There’s also links at Amazon to other helpful books such as:
Stumbling Naked in the Dark: Overcoming Mistakes Men Make with Women by Bradley Fenton
Anxious to Please: 7 Revolutionary Practices for the Chronically Nice by James Rapson
Seduce Me! What Women Really Want (Seduce Me!) by R. Gregory Alonzo
The Way Of The Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Woman, Work, and Sexual Desire by David Deida
Hey Nice Guy,
From your comments here, it looks like you’re really stirring up other guys’ delicate egos! That’s too funny!
I know that guys like you exist because I have been very happily married to one for a long time. Thanks for commenting on my blog. I promise to catch up on your blog and start posting more. I like what I’ve read so far!
Take care!
Hi there,
Just a random girl reading through your blog. My analysis? You may think you fit the stereotype of Nice Guy, but to be honest, you don’t seem all that nice!
Just remember, everyone:
Nothing says “gentleman” like publically congratulating yourself for being such an outstanding guy.
Hi Mr. Benevolent Guy,
I saw you on the “most pop blog spot” list and I am just dipping my toes into the blogpool so I clicked to see what/why you are popular. And here I am. HAHA You are sweet. I am a lady who married a “nice guy” many years ago, after dating a few not-so-nice kind…we spawned two youngins and we are still best friends and have rocking good sex. Life is good when “she” is wise enough to pick that nice guy.
I also would like to make a special mention of your solid ego strength in “allowing” the anti-nice guy comments here. Words are just that. Take care and DO YER THANG!!!
You know, I’m not sure how nice a guy I am, but I totally feel you! I’ve subscribed to your blog and looking forward to seeing what comes next. Thanks for sharing your insight
Hello
Very interesting information! Thanks!
G’night
I think the key problem with nice guys (or at least my former yours truly) is that they lack honesty and sincerity. The reason they lack honesty is because they are petrified in fear. Their whole lives (from relationships, to career, and everything in between) is and always has been “waiting to happen”, as if it is a cardinal sin to pursue your desires. They are petrified in fear because they do not have love for their lives and their own souls. Quite honestly, I have no idea how athiests ever find love, it makes no sense to me.
Many nice guys complain they cannot get a girlfriend. In reality he is just being dishonest and just horny after some temporary pussy (yours truly guilty as charged). Or if that’s not it, they’re too lazy to do the hard work of ‘A’ making themselves attractive, and ‘B’ finding out what he want and putting himself there (again I’ve been guilty). Therefore one huge difference between the nice guy and “jerk” is the level of honesty. Honesty with himself and the rest of the world.
Do you want a friend? or do you just want pussy? Because it’s not easy to do the friendship thing, and you can judge a man’s ability to get a girl based on his other relationships to both men and women. It’s really no different when it comes down to it. If you are inept at making and keeping friends, then you are inept at relationships in general and that includes relationships with women.
Women do not want a nice guy so much as they want a real guy. Everyone has faults and imperfections, and yes even women! What makes you think she’s so perfect? why do you treat her like she’s an impartial angel? Treat her with more respect, be assertive, and don’t throw sugar-glazed lies at her. Thus we’ve dispelled the myth about the nice guy. They don’t want a macho guy, or a shy guy, but they want all of it rolled-into-one. They want a guy who can shed his raw vulnerable self without fear (but instead with love) and let his confidence shine. This is what will turn her on (well at least the one I’m dating right now).
Take your fear and replace it with love, and all your prayers will be answered. Love of life, which will lead to discovering your God-given purpose (a man on a mission is very sexy). I care about other nice guys, because I know how it sucks, I’ve lived it, and there’s still work to do, but believe me when I say that my life has been turned upside down with respect to my relationships over the past couple of years. There is more hope than you think is there.
Go read 1st Corinthians chapter 13 in the bible if you want to really learn what this love thing is all about.
Oh and another thing, love of people, including the jerks who screw around the women you want. Love them enough to confront them, have some backbone!!!
I suggested 1 Cor 13 also because it talks about hope. Your heart needs to be a gushing hot spring of love for life that will feed all of your friends and potential lovers.
Oh and women who fall for jerks and bad guys are usually running away from the cowardly nice guy, because he makes her want to stab herself with a fork.